What a whirl wind of emotions I've been in. It all started about a week ago with a phone call from Tim's mom saying that Neil (Tim's father) has cancer again or that it was back. Then each day Tim would call to check on his dad, and his health was just getting worse. We were asked if we could come to home to see Neil one last time so we made arrangements to fly out Tuesday, October 20th after our walk thru of our new house. Monday we got a call that Neil's health has taken a drastic turn for the worst and that we needed to get out there NOW! So we forked out more money to change our flight, dropped everything, and flew out to Utah to see Tim's dying father.
It was a long trip, but thankfully Kohl was a good boy and behaved considerably well. Here's an account of our flight.
Monday, October 19th
While we waited for our flight to Denver cause we had a layover, I took Kohl walking around the termals to help get some energy out. After all he's about to get on a plane and have to sit for an hour and a half. He got a little fussy walking around because he wanted to go into the restaurants or into stores and touch everything... well we were in front of a candy store and the lady working there asked if he could have candy then proceeded to get what I thought was just a piece of candy but brought out a little baggies with gummy bears. I was overwhelmed by the kindness this lady showed us.
Finally we boarded the plane, but there was one little problem... are seats were on the exit row, and regulations say that young children can't sit on an exit row. So with the help of a flight attendant she helped us switch seats, however once we landed in Denver we'd have to speak with a customer agent and make the changes for our flight to Salt Lake City since we booked the exit row. Anyways, during the flight Kohl was great. We ate snacks, drank juice, and watched "Inside out", and some tickling and giggling... Before we knew it, we were landing in Denver.
At the gate desk they were able to get mine and Kohl's seats moved, but Tim they left and would try asking whomever occupied the seat next to me if they'd switch. We had newrly a 2 hour layover and so we had to keep Kohl busy while we waited. Tim took Kohl walking around for a good hour, and we gave him more snacks. These nice ladies sitting next to us at the terminal gave Kohl a small bag of popped popcorn and played with him. I was ever so grateful for the kindness of strangers. Kohl may have gotten a little fussy, but why wouldn't he. It was past his bedtime. Anyways time passed and it was time to board for our last leg of our trip.
Like I said before, Tim and I weren't sitting together and I felt very uncomfortable sitting alone with the boy. The lady next to us was asked if she'd switch seats but refused. Kohl and I were going to be fine, and we were. He sat in his seat, we snacked on crasins and chips and shared an apple juice. He was a well behaved little boy. The Lord answered my prayers, and the flight went smoothly. We touched ground in Salt Lake City at about 11:45 pm.
We were picked up from the airport by Tim's sister Jenny and her husband Bill. When we arrived at his parents house we weren't sure what to expect. We went in to see Neil laying there unconscious. We said hello and let him know his grandson was here, and he opened his eyes briefly to look at Kohl. Made everyone tear up. Afterwards I took Kohl downstairs to our room and put him to bed. I went back upstairs to support Tim while he sat and held his father's hand. It must have been close to 3 am when we went to bed.
I heard Tim's sister wake him to go see his dad, because he was awake. Neil looked directly at Tim and said, "Hi son!"
That's all he said, but it was more then enough. Tim eventually went back to bed.
Tuesday, October 20th
It's Marian's Birthday.
Tim's sister Jill flew in from Pennsylvania. Those of us who could sat with Neil. I got to hold his hand for awhile.
It was fun listening to Tim's brother and sisters reminiscing about their childhood, and memories of their father.
Most of the time I kept Kohl occupied so he wasn't in the way, and overwhelmed with what was happening. I didn't exactly want Kohl to have memories of watching his papa die.
Wednesday, October 21st
All the kids...meaning Tim and siblings gathered together to discuss some funeral plans. We even had a family pray of release. It's a prayer to release his spirit from his body so that he may return to Heavenly Father.
We all sat around watching, talking, enjoying each others company.
The out pouring of flowers, cards, food, visits, and telephone calls was very overwhelming, and greatly appreciated.
Thursday, October 22nd
The on call nurse came to check on Neil's status. She even cleaned him. Gave his a sponge bath, shaved him, fresh clothes, and then he started to fade quickly.
I don't remember exactly how long it took, but it seemed very quickly. I stayed downstairs with Kohl while everyone was upstairs. It broke my heart when Tim came downstairs with this heavy sad look on his face. I knew that Neil's spirit had left his body. For my own curiosity I went upstairs to touch Neil's hand one last time.
At that moment I witnessed this woman who was strong and fought for Neil's every living breath just break down. She had to say goodbye to her husband. She knew she had to, but didn't want to. Now it was just her. No man beside her.
I went back downstairs to comfort Tim.
It took the morgue maybe an hour after his passing to come pick up his body, then after that everything was cleared out. The hospital bed, the oxygen pump, everything...
Things got hectic with making plans.
The next couple of days were a blur. I remember spending most every night sitting and talking with Marian. We'd laugh and we cried, but mostly cried. I tried to be as supportive as I could be.
Sunday, October 25th
The night of the viewing. Tim and I both didn't want to be there. Yes we knew we needed to show our family support, but with both people who suffer from social anxiety...it took some persuasion. Marian found a neighbor who'd watch Kohl for us while we were at the mortuary. We stayed for an hour. Tim's big sister Julie had to coax Tim out of the car. Once he saw people he knew he eased into things. Shaking hands, and greeting them. He even caught up with his old childhood friends Kyle and Cory. Tim surprised me that night. It was like a totally different person came out of him.
After an hour or so we left to pick up dinner, get Kohl and go home. After we ate I got Kohl ready for bed, while Tim went back for his mom. We were driving her car after all. Marian came home with an envelope for me. I thought "what in the world..." When I opened it to see $200 cash and a note from my dearest friend Sam, I cried. I immediately called her to thank her. I just wished I hadn't left the viewing. I would have seen her and hugged her, but we had a wonderful phone conversation.
Monday, October 26th
The day of the funeral. My mom drove up to watch Kohl while Tim and I went to the funeral. Again anxiety hit hard, but we got through it. Tim greeted family members close and distanced, at the viewing that's held right before the funeral services. Tim stayed close to his friends Kyle and Cory, until it was time for the final good byes were said to Neil and they closed the casket. They were all walked into the chapel where Tim and I sat at the very back. We thought it'd help with his anxiety to be close to the back. He made it through to the right before the closing song before he went out into the foyer. I had to stay because I had to give the closing prayer.
It was a beautiful service. Wonderful talks, and beautiful music.
Then it was time to go to the burial ground and lay his body into the earth. Tim and I rode with Marian in the limo, which was provided by the mourtuary.
At the burial site, there was a prayer and a honorable gun solute for his services in the National Guard. It was incredible.
After the funeral it's traditional to have a luncheon, but Tim and I did not stay for that. We needed some alone time. Away from family, and guests. We needed to process all of what was going on, so we went home to rescue my mom from Kohl. Come to find out that he really kept her on her toes. He got out into the garage, but the door was locked from the inside so they had no way of getting into the house, but after playing around and under papa's truck, my mom made her way into the house through the back where I had left the door unlocked. I felt so bad. My son took advantage of her, and played with things he wasn't supposed to.
Things were still a bit crazy, but started to settle down. Marian was bombard with flowers. Jeff, his girlfriend Stephanie, Julie and I helped unload things and find places for everything.
That night was like any other night. We sat and talked before we went to bed.
Tuesday, October 27th
Time to return to our home in Texas. We had to get back to sign the closing papers for our house. We left in the afternoon and our seats were altogether all the way home. All I remember is that Kohl behaved. He had a little trouble sitting still, but really did a good job of keeping quiet. When we arrived at home it was early evening so we got something to eat, and sat down for a bit before our nightly routine and bedtime.
Words can never express how grateful we are to the friends, coworkers, and bosses that through the whole ordeal were so supportive, and kind.
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